Sometimes, however, even the most valiant efforts of a fellow passenger to soothe a child fall short. That could be the time to flag down a member of the cabin crew.
When to get a flight attendant involved
Those non-audible annoyances such as kicking the seat in front of them, excessively pressing the call button, climbing over and under the seats, and disobeying the seatbelt sign? Most of these actions are safety-related and warrant a flight attendant getting involved if it gets out of control. But even for flight attendants, the situation is not always simple to resolve. In some cases, parents are doing the best they can, and in others, well, maybe there’s room for improvement. I always approached the situation by stopping by their row and asking “Is there anything I can get for you?” figuring it sent enough of a signal that whatever was happening was starting to disrupt others.
Many flight attendants say their own responses to such complaints depends on the parents’ actions. “We have to be a skilled negotiator in these situations,” says Aimee LaMay, a flight attendant based in Orlando. “As a mom myself, there’s a fine line between asking the parent if they need help, and having it appear that we’re telling them that they’re not doing their job. If there’s any sign that they’re trying to solve the situation, I’ll leave them alone. Why add the stress? If it appears that they’re not trying to help the situation, I’ll go over and talk to the kids myself and see if that sparks a response from the parent. If it doesn’t, then I’ll explain to the parents the tools, if any are available, that we have to help and see if we can work on a plan together.” Those potential tools can range from an extra snack or cup or juice from the galley or free activity kits offered by some major airlines.
Sometimes, however, it’s the parents who put airline crew in an awkward position. As a flight attendant, I once had a parent ring their call button after the seatbelt sign had been turned on, and explain to me that their child refused to buckle up. The parent told me she had tried to tell her child she needed to wear her seatbelt but hoped she would listen to “someone of authority.” So I spoke directly to the child and said, “The captain says the airplane is going to hit a few bumps, and he thinks you need to wear your seatbelt, just like in a car, to stay safe. OK?” That was met with a quick, “No!” to which the parent replied, “It’s okay to yell at her, you can go ahead and yell at her or be sterner.” I didn’t do either of those things—can you imagine how fast it would have ended up on YouTube and taken out of context? Instead, I opted to put the onus on the parent to buckle up her child.
A misbehaving child on a flight can be uncomfortable for everyone on board, including—and maybe sometimes especially—for the parents. Approaching parents and children with kindness, and escalating the matter to cabin crew only as a last resort is usually the best approach. Remember, as with all things related to tense air travel these days, a little empathy can do a lot to smooth things over. As Noya puts it: “I was [once] that woman that cringed when a baby was howling. Now I feel the parents’ pain.”
