Tipping on cruise ships has changed over the years. Cash used to be king, dispensed at a passenger’s whim. But nowadays, many large lines are both cash-free and have automated tipping as part of the daily dues, meaning passengers no longer need to carry around a wad of bills. But, there are caveats. For example, not all crew is included in the general tip—some are actually forbidden from accepting gratuities—and sometimes, currency matters. Below, what you need to know about tipping on a cruise, and how to make sure no onboard tip gets lost in the shuffle.

Standard tips

A large number of cruise lines, including Carnival, Celebrity, Cunard, Disney, Holland America, Princess, Norwegian, MSC Cruises, and Royal Caribbean include gratuities for stateroom attendants and dining room staff in onboard charges on a passenger’s stateroom account. The amounts, starting around $11.50 to $16, are generally paid per passenger, per day, and vary among cruise lines and stateroom categories (larger staterooms and suites are generally a couple dollars per day more than standard accommodations).

These cruise lines also add gratuities as a percentage—ranging from 15 to 20 percent—to most specialty dining, bar, and spa charges; those amounts cannot be adjusted.

Who to tip and not tip onboard

So stateroom attendants, dining room and bar staff, and spa attendants are taken care of, but who else should be tipped separately? Onboard casino staff are not part of the larger tip pool, so passengers should tip as they play, in cash or chips. Many cruise lines also suggest tipping separately for room service deliveries, a few dollars per person. As most tips are cashless, just sign the receipt and add your tip amount on the line provided. And to note—shoreside porters are not cruise line employees, and many ports have signage indicating it is not necessary to tip them. But of course, that is the passenger’s decision and a few bucks per bag is customary.

Cruise lines generally prefer to have tips given electronically to maintain cashless environments onboard their ships, but passengers who do prefer to tip in cash should give cash in the ship’s stated onboard currency. On most large, global cruise lines that’s US dollars, but some of those lines change onboard currencies based on the region they’re sailing. Princess, for example, uses US dollars onboard virtually all sailings—except for a select few departures in Australia, where Australian dollars are the onboard currency.

Dress codes have been part of cruising from nearly the beginning. On the old TV series The Love Boat, turning out in formal evening attire was all part of the fun of a vacation at sea. Days were casual and carefree, but come nighttime, guests’ outfits were glamorous and sophisticated. The less-discussed part was that the dress code served as a functional barrier to entry—you needed formalwear to go and enjoy the full experience.

Today, most cruise lines have relaxed their dress codes slightly—almost none of them require black-tie attire (even on “formal nights”), but the notion that cruises are dressy is still something of a damper on interest in cruises. As a former travel agent—albeit now some years ago—I often struggled to sell cruises to clients who had never been on one. “I don’t like to dress up,” they’d say.

At the time—it was the early 2000s—cruise lines were still generally adhering to dress codes more rigidly, and that was a turnoff for some travelers. Celebrity Cruises even went so far as to serve the full dining room menu in a cordoned off portion of the buffet to passengers who still wanted to “dine out” on formal nights, but didn’t want to adhere to the dress code for that evening. Cruise lines have since evolved—here’s what you should know about today’s dress codes.

The basics

Policies vary by cruise line, but there are some commonalities across brands. During the day, the basics are near-universal: Unless at a pool bar or pool restaurant, passengers are generally expected to wear a top, bottoms, and footwear while walking around the ship. Swimwear is generally only acceptable at or very near the pool (buffet restaurants are usually quite near pools, and generally allow dry swimwear or swimwear with a cover up).

At dinner, particularly in the main and specialty restaurants, bars, nightclubs, and theater, most cruise lines prefer a dressier look for men, requesting passengers refrain from wearing shorts, sleeveless T-shirts, flip-flops, and baseball caps. Interestingly, many do not publish specific requirements for women, although it can be assumed the same attire for women is also discouraged. A good rule of thumb for cruisers is to always pack at least one pair of long pants that are not jeans, for dinners onboard.

As far as dress prohibitions, cruise lines tend to follow policies similar to airlines, disallowing guests from wearing clothing bearing messages that are distasteful or patently offensive.

Formal nights

Most cruise lines will host formal nights at least once on a weeklong voyage. In the past, this would have meant black tie, but today the expectations are generally more relaxed. Many cruise lines have even stopped using the word “formal” to describe these evenings because of the implication of formalwear—nowadays, that’s almost never the case.

Celebrity Cruises has certain evenings designated as “evening chic,” where many passengers will dress more formally (think casual-wedding attire, or what you’d wear to dinner at a nice restaurant), but Celebrity notes that on these evenings “smart casual” is still acceptable in restaurants and the theater. Holland America Line requires collared shirts and slacks on men in “fine dining” restaurants (i.e. not at the buffet or quick service counters) at minimum on “dressy” nights.

A plus-one can be an especially kind offer to guests who aren’t close to or don’t know anyone else in attendance, says Brittny Drye, the founder and editor in chief of Love Inc., a wedding magazine dedicated to both all couples regardless of gender or sexuality. “If you have single guests who are part of larger friend groups attending, this is more of a case-by-case call,” Drye says. 

Auguste agrees with these suggestions—and offers a caveat: “This requires you to know your guests. Can you trust that guest to bring a date who’s fun and can behave themselves? Or are they known to bring a wild-card guest to parties or events where it ends up becoming a whole situation? Drama can be exciting at times, but there’s no need for added drama at a wedding.”

Cheska Bacaltos, a social strategist at BuzzFeed, applied these plus-one principles for her wedding at the Eden Nature Park and Resort in Davao, Philippines in 2017. Guests who were local only received plus-ones if they were married or engaged; if she and her spouse both knew a guest’s significant other, the guest got a plus-one. For guests flying in from abroad and/or didn’t know anyone else at the wedding, they got a plus-one, too.

“You want your guests to have fun and not feel awkward or alone,” Bacaltos says. “But here’s the gray area: For family, it’s like, yeah, you’re my brother, but no, don’t bring your two-week situationship. We’ve got cousins there. You will be fine!”

Or, intimate is legitimate: Not everyone needs a plus-one for a destination wedding—or any wedding

“I don’t always have the most popular opinion on this topic, but I am a strong believer that not everyone needs to have a plus-one,” says Kimiko Hosaki, the founder and executive director of K.H & co. Consulting Group, which specializes in luxury events and experiences in Canada and Hawaii. Hosaki has a straightforward rule: If your desired guest has been dating their significant other for less than a year by the time of the wedding (especially if you haven’t met them), you do not need to give that guest a plus-one.

“At my own destination wedding, two of my closest friends brought new girlfriends,” Hosaki says. “One of them was so consumed by her—they were still in that honeymoon phase—that he missed all the additional gatherings, the dinners, the hangs by the pool, and the island activities. They broke up shortly after the wedding. To this day, he still comments on how he should have just come alone.”

To keep the wedding intimate, Hosaki suggests matchmaking roommates among guests to split costs: “I had three solo guests who could not afford the accommodations on their own. Though they weren’t in the same social circle, they’d all met before and I knew they’d get along great. They had a blast. Eleven years later, they’re still in touch and now get their families together!”

Of course, you can do a little bit of both: offer plus-ones to those who might get lonely, as well as group friends together to minimize costs and drama. For his wedding in Mexico City next summer, Nicholas Pakradooni, a creative director based in Los Angeles, and his fiancé are offering about 15 plus-ones to guests who are single and/or don’t know people at the wedding. Since hotels at the destination tend to run small anyway, he says they’re facilitating room shares among guests in order to fit everyone, and pairing people who are already friends with each other or those who would be good matches.

Be mindful of your budget—and keep communication open

Your budget, your chosen venue’s capacity, and other logistic constraints will also factor into the decisions around who gets plus-ones. If you have the space—physically and financially (and emotionally, to be honest)—you may choose to be more generous with plus-ones. But if there are clear limits to seating and spending, stick to them. As Hosaki says, “A couple should not have to give up on their wedding vision just so they can fit more people.” Sure, some of the guests will have not met, but they all have something in common: the celebrating couple.

If guests ask why they didn’t receive plus-ones, Hosaki suggests, “You can explain that, due to the capacity of the venue you have selected, you have to keep your guest list to primarily your closest friends and family.” Whether with local or destination weddings, clear communication with guests is important to mitigate any drama. “Be consistent with your rules to avoid hurt feelings,” says Akinseye. When sending out invites, be clear about who is being invited by addressing the invite directly to them, or to them ‘and guest,’ so there is no confusion. But at the end of the day, Akinseye adds, “It’s your day, so you make the rules.”

Brammer agrees, saying, if he and the celebrating couple were not close, “I would discreetly decline and only offer context if asked.” If pressed for information, Morgan says, she would offer gentle honesty about her safety concerns; couples know that not every invitee can attend, whether it’s due to an issue with scheduling, budget, or various personal reasons one might have.

If you RSVP “yes,” seek safe spaces at the destination

Should you decide to attend, do your research and identify places where you might stay or dine where you will feel safe. The same goes for any potential wedding guest—whether as a queer person, a person of color, a woman, whatever the case may be.

“You can choose to find your own accommodations in a more welcoming part of town, even if it’s not directly associated with the wedding venue,” says Matthieu Jost, the co-founder and CEO of misterb&b, a homesharing platform aimed towards queer people. “You can still support your loved ones during their special day while ensuring your own well-being.”

As a guest, it’s appropriate to ask the couple for their suggestions for queer-friendly spaces at the destination. They’re likely the ones who know the place best, and they (hopefully) want their guests to feel safe, too. Kristen Arnett, a book author and life-long Floridian who recently wrote an essay for Time about why she’s having her queer wedding in Florida, says she and her fiancée are being very purposeful about their wedding planning, given their own queerness, the queerness of their guests, and their love for Orlando’s queer community.

In addition to hiring only queer people and queer-owned businesses for the wedding—from the caterer to the photographer to the DJ—Arnett and her fiancée are proactively giving their guests recommendations for restaurants, shops, and lodging to try for their wedding weekend. “We feel like brand ambassadors for queer Florida,” Arnett says. “We’re always trying to curate an experience for people to come here anyway. It’s a big part of our wedding planning, asking ourselves, ‘What are the spaces that our guests would want to visit, or where they can feel good about coming to Florida?’”

Similarly, Jost suggests looking into the local queer businesses at the destination, and giving them the support they might need—just as they might be able to support you. Furthermore, engaging with a destination in this way as a visitor can possibly increase your understanding about the lived realities of a community under a particular political or social climate.

If you RSVP “no,” express your love another way

If you’re pressed for more information as to why you can’t attend, Jost advises expressing your gratitude for the invitation with grace. “Explain that your concern lies with how you feel visiting the destination itself, emphasizing that it is not a reflection on the couple or their wedding.”

After you RSVP, show your care and support in other ways. You were invited for a reason and, if you feel moved to do so, it doesn’t hurt to take an extra step and do something nice for the couple. “A card, some flowers, or an item from their wishlist would go a long way here,” Brammer says. “We live in wild times, regardless of your identity, and there are complications galore when it comes to travel and events. I like to think we can all be understanding with each other.”

As in all things, act with grace and compassion

Whatever you decide, your attendance as a guest has no material impact on the occasion: Two people are getting married whether you make it or not. They have their reasons for having their wedding in a particular place, and you have your reasons for being unable to go. Savage advises her clients as much. “My mantra for couples? The only thing that matters, at the end of the day, is that you get married. Everything else is details.”

“If they meet and chat with an earthquake survivor, it will make them happy even if they wish to get well soon,” Gökşin of D Maris Bay, says. The Turkish phrase “geçmiş olsun” (pronounced getch-mish ol-soon) means the equivalent of “get well soon” or “I hope your difficulties will pass.” It’s a kind way to express sympathy to someone. 

Türkiye has 19 UNESCO World Heritage Sites, and each offers a different lens into the country’s history and culture. Gezenoğlu emphasized that learning about the local history and culture can make people feel that the world cares about them. “If people have the opportunity to visit any of [those heritage sites], they may become more connected with Türkiye and the wider region. Such connections and bonds are much-needed right now.”

And still, as many people have lost work and much more, economic support is needed. Supporting local businesses is an easy way visitors can help people rebuild their lives and communities. “The tourism industry directly employs millions of people, not to mention the shops, restaurants, and bazaars that rely on tourism to keep open. Coming to visit Türkiye is exactly what the country needs right now,” Damon says.

Ways to help

Hotels, restaurants, and other hospitality groups have been offering relief to earthquake regions and survivors through partnerships and their own initiatives. The five-star Istanbul hotel Çırağan Palace Kempinski has sent truckloads of emergency disaster supplies like generators, wheelchairs, and baby food to the earthquake zone and is running a humanitarian aid campaign through the end of this year. The chefs from Istanbul’s Ema Bakery, Basta! Neo Bistro, and two-Michelin starred Turk Fatih Tutak traveled to the region and set up emergency kitchens to feed people. 

Small local businesses and organizations are also pitching in with their own initiatives, so keep an eye out for places that are supporting earthquake recovery efforts and direct your spending there. “Many artists donated their concert earnings to the region, while others organized donation events and established large art funds,” Gezenoğlu says. “As cultural professionals, it is our responsibility to bring long-term and lasting initiatives to the region through the healing power of art.”

Salt Galata, a modern art museum in Istanbul, recently held a benefit exhibit with more than 200 works donated by artists and galleries and directed the proceeds to education for school-age children in the earthquake zone. Kurumlu points out places like Postane, a culture center that focused on social and environmental impact, easily fit into traveler’s itineraries for a variety of reasons: “You can go to Postane’s roof, have your coffee with a fantastic view, buy a souvenir from their responsibly sourced gift shop, and a percentage of their proceeds goes to the earthquake recovery.”

If you’re not visiting Türkiye, there are reliable organizations you can donate to like INARA, which relies on donations to provide targeted essential aid and mental health relief to children and families impacted by the earthquake in both Türkiye and Syria. International nonprofits like the US-based Turkish Philanthropy Funds and Relief International are still accepting donations. There are also local grassroot cooperatives like Topraktan Tabağa, a chef-run pop-up kitchen where you can select food items that get delivered directly to them through their online shop.  

Cherish the sites you visit

People come to Türkiye for many reasons—the hospitality, the food, the beauty, the culture, but they tend to leave with one thing sticking in their mind: the history. Travel through Türkiye and it’s easy to see that it’s a land that reads as a history book; whether it’s the 10,000-year-old megaliths in Göbekli Tepe (the world’s oldest), the Hellenistic temple-tombs on top of Mount Nemrut, Cappadocia’s subterranean cave cities, the ancient ruins of Ephesus, or the Hagia Sophia. 

But these sites also serve as a testament to impermanence: the February 6 earthquake will leave a notch on Türkiye’s long timeline. It took down some of the country’s most historic buildings, destroyed millions of lives, and collapsed entire cities, like Antakya—the ancient city of Antioch and one of Türkiye’s culinary capitals before the earthquake. The underlying message of these things is always that you should see the world while you can, be a good guest in the places you visit, and to witness history with open eyes and honor those who have–or are currently–living it.