The American death industry is a racket. Everything is overpriced. The average coffin will cost between $2,000–$5,000, and according to some sources, the cost of a cremation averages between $4,000 and $7,000 per body—and that’s not including the memorial service. But you don’t have to settle for an overpriced burial or immolation. Instead, you can have your loved one buried at sea.
I’m serious. Over 2,500 people chose this funerary option in 2020 alone (mostly in Florida—go figure.) There are companies that offer full service sea burials of both intact bodies and cremains, but their prices seem fairly steep, and it’s nothing you can’t do yourself if you have access to a boat and a DIY spirit, because the process is totally legal to carry out yourself. All you need is a free permit, a boat, and the wherewithal to get yourself and your dearly departed cargo three miles off the coast.
According to the Environmental Protection Agency, the ecologically sound and poetic option of a sea burial is fully legal for both cremated and non-cremated remains. The Marine Protection, Research and Sanctuaries Act provides blanket permissions for citizens to dump bodies (and other things, including “man-made ice piers”) far out to sea, You don’t even need special permission beforehand (for the body-in-the-ocean part anyway—other laws apply when it comes to how you treat and transport a corpse), but there are some guidelines you must follow.
Location, location, location
You cannot drop your Aunt Agnes in a local lake or waterpark. For most of the country, burials at sea must take place at at least three nautical miles from land and in ocean waters that are at least 600 feet deep. Some locations require deeper waters—some off the coast of Florida require a depth of 1,800 feet—but for the most part, as long as you’re three miles out and the water is deep, you’re good to go.
Getting your loved one to the coast is a different story. There are local and state laws that cover the transportation of non-cremated human remains, and they vary, so your best bet is to engage the services of a funeral home to make transportation arrangements.
Preparing a body for burial at sea
A burial at sea is more complicated than just heaving a body over the side of the ship. Because no one wants to happen upon a floating corpse while out deep sea fishing, the EPA recommends wrapping a “natural fiber shroud” around the body and adding additional weight, such as a steel chain, to make sure they stay down there.
If you choose to sink your loved one in a coffin, the first step is to remove any non-biodegradable material, like plastics, from the casket. Then you should add some sand or concrete to make the sinking easier. According to the government, the total weight added should be at least 300 pounds.
The EPA recommends applying “at least six durable stainless steel bands, chains or natural fiber ropes” to the coffin. They say this is to “ensure rapid and permanent sinking,” but I think it’s to make sure the undead do not escape.
The final step is drilling holes in the coffin. Our tax dollars paid for the the below diagram of optimal hole and band placement, so enjoy:
Notifying the government
There’s no need to get federal permission before you bury your loved one at sea, but once you have completed the deed, you have 30 days to notify the EPA of what you have done. There is an online “Burial at Sea” reporting system you can use.
Frequently asked questions about burials at sea
If you’re like me, I’m sure you have many questions about your new favorite low-cost burial method. Here are some issues that may have occurred to you.
Can I use any boat? You don’t need a special boat. You can use your own craft or charter one for the event. I’d run your plans by the charter company first, though.
Can I throw their beloved dog, who passed away soon after out of grief, in after them? No. The MPRSA general permit authorizes the burial at sea of human remains only. This includes the ashes of deceased pets too.
Well, what can I throw in after them? Since the EPA’s concern is mainly the environmental impact of your actions, the agency recommends only real flowers and wreaths—nothing plastic or non-biodegradable.
What about making my loved one part of an artificial reef? Things get complicated when it comes to artificial reefs. The structure your loved ones would be part of is not covered by the the Marine Protection, Research and Sanctuaries Act, so as far as the EPA is concerned, you shouldn’t do it. But if you really want to, they recommend consulting with, “relevant state fisheries agencies” and the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, U.S. Coast Guard and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration.
Can I light a ship afire and send my loved ones to Valhalla in the manner of my Viking ancestors? According to the EPA, you cannot, as “transportation by an uncontrolled boat or floating pyre precludes control over the disposal location.” It also causes smoke, pollution, and ash. (But you are going to be very far out at sea, and it’s not like anyone is going to see it—but still, do not do this. It is wrong, and illegal. No matter how far out to sea you are, you are still generally bound by the laws of your nation.)
Can I shoot a rocket filled with human remains into the sea? Or attach my loved one to many balloons so they can peacefully float to their eternal rest in the deeps? No, but only because the rocket/balloons would be extra material you’re dumping in the ocean. The EPA, “expects that the means of transportation for burial at sea would be a vessel or an aircraft that returns to land after the burial.”
Hypothetically, if you had a powerful enough cannon to blast your loved one three miles out to sea, this would be acceptable as far as the “disposing of human remains” goes—the EPA explicitly notes that you can drop your loved one from an aircraft into the sea and still be covered by the Marine Protection Act. But they’re probably referring to cremains, not a cadaver. Remember, none of the EPA’s guidelines are to be considered blanket permission, as other laws may apply. (Laws concerning “desecration of a corpse” or “destruction of evidence” come immediately to mind.)
Can I just drop one part of a loved one in the ocean? Sure! Why not? According to the EPA, it’s cool as long as the human remains, “originate from a single, deceased human and the remains are not intermixed with other deceased humans or body parts from living humans.” I’m not sure what event required the EPA to get this specific, and I’m glad I don’t know.
